Q: Where do robots go dancing?
A: At a disc-o-tech.
Cheers!
Naught
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A byte of humour . . .
Started by
Naught McNoone
, Aug 18 2023 12:03 PM
153 replies to this topic
#16
Naught McNoone
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#17
Naught McNoone
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Posted 29 August 2023 - 08:34 AM
IT Guy #1: I just got a Ryzen 9 7950X system with an RTX 4070, for my wife.
IT Guy #2: Wow! I wish I could get a trade like that!
Cheers!
Naught
#18
egg
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Posted 29 August 2023 - 12:03 PM
A VERY old one
Don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers regarding a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences...
To: Whom this may concern
Re: Replacement of mouse balls
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
To: Whom this may concern
Re: Replacement of mouse balls
If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.
Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.
Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just looked this up again today. I worked with the person that wrote this at IBM. It was not a real RETAIN tip, and it was done as a joke by a person in our department. We did write real RETAIN tips for IBM and that is why it was done so well and looked real. This was just sent out via email to a few people and then it exploded. No, he was not fired, our manager was quick to let everyone in upper management know that he was put on a plan. This was done to prevent him from being fired by some VP. Matter of fact a Senior VP (lady) wanted to do just that. This guy was a very good Service Planner and went on to have a great career with IBM and Lenovo. It was funny though. No names will be given.
Edited by egg, 29 August 2023 - 12:05 PM.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Never underestimate the power of stupid. It can’t be reasoned or negotiated with and you’ll never never beat it…. Cut your losses, smile and walk away
#19
Chris Cosgrove
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Posted 04 September 2023 - 05:06 PM
"I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge."
Good one !
Chris Cosgrove
#20
cryptodan
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Posted 04 September 2023 - 06:01 PM
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#21
NickAu
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Posted 04 September 2023 - 10:50 PM
We'd have a 640 gallon tank
As a fish keeper I would love a tank that big.
Anyway back on topic.........
I could tell you an ICMP joke but it would probably be repetitive. 
Edited by NickAu, 04 September 2023 - 10:52 PM.
"When God shuts a Window, he opens a Linux." —Linus 8:7
#22
egg
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Posted 05 September 2023 - 08:28 AM
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Never underestimate the power of stupid. It can’t be reasoned or negotiated with and you’ll never never beat it…. Cut your losses, smile and walk away
#23
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Posted 05 September 2023 - 08:49 AM
He's such a chip off the old block.
US Navy Veteran from 2002 to 2006
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Arch Desktop - https://termbin.com/epij
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#24
NickAu
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Posted 05 September 2023 - 11:04 PM
Knock, knock. Who’s There? Very long pause… “Java.”
"When God shuts a Window, he opens a Linux." —Linus 8:7
#25
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Posted 06 September 2023 - 02:36 AM
Proverbs 14:29
#26
0lds0d
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Posted 06 September 2023 - 02:50 AM
A part of a "classic" comedy... I like this series very much and have enjoyed it for years!
Proverbs 14:29
#27
egg
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Posted 06 September 2023 - 07:05 AM
Another Oldie
What Gender is Computer?
Pencil is masculine "le crayon". A student asked, "What gender is computer?
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups- male and female- and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely be the feminine gender (la computer) because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should definitely be masculine (le computer) because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Never underestimate the power of stupid. It can’t be reasoned or negotiated with and you’ll never never beat it…. Cut your losses, smile and walk away
#28
Naught McNoone
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Posted 06 September 2023 - 08:55 AM
femtosecond noun
fem·to·sec·ond
ˈfem(p)-tə-ˌse-kənd
-kənt,
-tō-
1 : one quadrillionth of a second
2 : The time it takes for a New York driver to beep his horn after the light turns green
Cheers!
Naught
Edited by Naught McNoone, 06 September 2023 - 08:56 AM.
#29
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Posted 07 September 2023 - 08:21 AM
This one's for you Nick
A little bit of Aussie culcha!!!
LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season..
BYTE: What mozzies do
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A pub snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
Never underestimate the power of stupid. It can’t be reasoned or negotiated with and you’ll never never beat it…. Cut your losses, smile and walk away
#30
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Posted 07 September 2023 - 09:32 AM
Lol egg
US Navy Veteran from 2002 to 2006
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